Disappointment

Well, here it is, almost three weeks since my last post. Life isn't fair! But then again, you've probably already figured that out. Life was never intended to be fair. Anyone who thinks that it is, is either very naive or living in a fantasy world.

We have this expectation that life is going to be wondreful and that we will get everything that we want out of it. Who sold us that pack of lies? Satan! It's his way of getting us discouraged when things aren't going the way we want. He looks at us and says, "Wait! God's not being fair to you. He must not really care about you or be concerned about you. If He was, then you wouldn't be going through what you are. Life would be easy and smooth." And then we listen to it and we get mad at God and we turn our backs on Him and pout. (Yeah, I know that wasn't a grammitically correct sentence, but I'm not an English major...got my degree in Music)

When this happens, Satan wins and keeps us from following God. I know because I've been there the last day or so. I got disappointed yesterday when I received a letter from a church, politely telling me that they were going in a different direction in looking for a pastor. Now this isn't the first time that I've been removed from consideration, but this one hurt more than any other time. The reason is because it was the first time since I left full time ministry that I've tried to get back into a ministry position.

This "rejection" hurt because it brought out feelings of, "I guess God will never use me in ministry again. I blew it and now I'll never be allowed to do what I love the most." I had a little...okay, a huge...pity party for myself. God reminded me that I prayed for Him to show me His will. He did, but I didn't like it because it wasn't MY will. I put out the fleece and waited for God's response and when it came I got mad and thought how unfair it was.

God also reminded me that I am in ministry. I teach Sunday School every week, sing in the choir, and yes...as hard as this is to believe...I play the piano for the worship service. I also have the opportunity to fill in for the pastor and music minister when they are out.

So what's the point of this post? Well, I can sit here and be miserable and be mad at God for not giving me what I want...which probably wasn't where I needed to be anyway...or I can be thankful for the opportunities that God has given me. Yes, I very much want to be in full time vocational ministry, but God is using me in other ways and I need to be more aware of them and look to make the most of the opportunities.

I know this is a long post, but I hope you will take a minute and think about your own walk. Are you disappointed because you didn't get your way or are you thankful for how God is using you and what He's allowing you to be a part of?

Center of it All

This past weekend, I had the privilege to lead worship at FBC, Sealy. They are currently in an interim time but have a new pastor arriving in a couple of weeks. The interim has been with them now for two year....crazy, huh? Anyway, I spoke out of Philippians 1:12-30. As he spoke, he made a statement that I know to be true but had never put much thought into. In fact, as he spoke, I wondered how many times I miscommunicated the same point.

His statement was that God shouldn't be #1 in our lives, but rather should be the center of our lives. He stated that #1 often changes in our lives. I love college football and I got to thinking about it that way. How many times do we see teams rise to #1 in the rankings, only to slip out of that spot after a week or maybe two, depending on how well they play. The same thing happens in our lives: we go to a revival, a conference, or camp and get all excited about God and we say, "God, you have the #1 priority in my life." And then we come home and something happens and before we know it, God has slipped to #2, #3, or lower.

But, if we make God the center of our lives, then everything revovles around that relationship. Think about the North Star. Now I'm not an astronomy nut...just a nut, but if you look for certain constellations in the sky at night-provided you live where you can see the stars-you can find them easier if you locate the North Star and move from there. The same is true in our lives. When we place God in the center, it is so much easier to find our purpose and way.

I've started going through Henry Blackaby's study, Experiencing God, again. It's been several years since I did that study. It had a profound effect on me at the time. But Blackaby talks about God be the center of our lives. To know and do God's will, we have to not place Him #1, but place Him in the center.

God's Glorious Forgiveness

God taught me a powerful lesson about forgiveness today. I'm preparing to sing this Sunday at church and I'm going to sing the song, "Stronger." (see the words below) As I'm singing it in the car this afternoon, God hit me square between the eyes and reminded me how He has forgiven me. I left my last ministry position because of sin that I left unchecked and it consumed me and cost me my opportunity to minister. I've asked God to forgive me and I know that He has, but I learned today that I never really let Him forgive and restore me. This song literally brought me to tears today as I sang and thought about the forgiveness that God has poured out on me. It hit me that no matter what I've done, my God is stronger than the sin and He has overcome it. And He gives me the power, through Him, to overcome that sin and it's hold on me. I've lived to long with regret about my past mistakes and not willing to fully accept God's forgiveness. How about you? Do you need to hear the words..."You broke my shame and sinfulness?" How about "Stronger, You are stonger...Sin is broken, You have saved me?" What a glorious thought. Wrap your mind around that for a while and you will not sing but shout "Let Your name be lifted higher, be lifted higher!!!" Praise be to God. Thank you Father for your glorious forgivenss.

"Stronger"
There is Love that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious (Back to Intro)

Faithlulness none can deny
Through the storm and through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written, Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You’re my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

You are stronger, You are stonger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written, Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

So let Your Name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher

You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written, Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all.

Clarification on God's Love

Let me clarify a statement from yesterday's post. Ronnie, you're right, I don't think God gets angry with us, although continued rebellion will lead to anger. I believe that when we sin, God is disappointed with us. This is the same kind of disapoointment parents feel when their children mess up. We don't get mad at first, but if there is no repentance and change in behavior, that disappointment slowly moves to anger. We see this over and over in God's dealing with the Israelites. They were warned to come back to God and when they didn't God had to punish them. In the passage of scripture I referenced yesterday, Zechariah 1, God did have anger that burned against the Israelites when they turned their backs on Him. This is why He sent them into exile for 70 years under the Babylonians and Persians. God even tells the remnant that He had been angry with their forefathers. This passage is a clear call to the nation, and to us today, to return to him by confessing our sins and seeking Him. I hope that explains things a little better.

God's Love

Just got through working on material for our weekly Sunday School teachers meeting. Our Education Minister is going to be out of town tonight, so he asked me to teach. Now as much as I love to teach, teaching teachers can be a daunting thought. And to make matters worse, we're beginning a study in Zechariah. I really struggle with the Old Testament passages-especially prophecies.

Anyway, as I began to study last night and continued on into today, I began to see God's incredible love once again. I was reminded of some very important things that are in the first chapter of Zechariah.

1. God does not want to stay angry with us. Yes, God get incredibly angry when we sin and turn our backs on Him. However, God loves us so much that He will turn away from His anger so that the relationship can be restored.

2. We have to take the step to "Return to Him." We can't stay where we are at. God will accept us with the sin, which He will forgive, but He won't let us stay in our sin. We have to get up from where we are and return to Him. When we return to Him, He will return to us.

3. As I state above, we can't stay where we were. We have to repent of our sins. Leighton Flowers gave the best interpretation of repenting. It's not just turning from our sins, but it's destroying the path way back to it. Repentance is not true repentance if we continually find ourselves returning to the sin. We can't just turn away. We have to destroy all the paths back to that sin. It has to become an island that is impossible for us to get to.

4. God promises to restore us when we faithfully return to Him.

5. We don't have to live in guilt over past sins. Jim Denison write this: "Know that your Father waits for you to return to him so that he can return to you. Name your sin or failure specifically with repentant contrition. Ask your Father to forgive you for it. Claim his promise of mercy and grace...the next time guilt returns, take it to grace. Say to your shame, 'I am forgiven and all my sins are forgotten.'"

That my friends is good news! I have to constantly be reminded of these things. Thank you Lord for making me have to teach this lesson to other teachers so that I can be reminded of your Love, Grace, Forgiveness, and Restoration.

Following God

I think God is in that mode of teaching me something right now. I came to the office on Monday and just didn't want to be there. I couldn't find any joy or excitement about being in the office. The problem is I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with my life right now. On the one hand, I have a degree in Music that I can fall back on if I can find a Choir job. On the other hand, there are some great things about working with Farm Bureau.

Here's what's so hard...God is making me learn to wait on Him. I wish He would just tell me exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. That would make life so much easier. But God never works like that. He wants us to learn to trust Him and to wait patiently for Him. I know that in time, God will open the doors that He wants me to walk through. I just have to learn to do what I'm not very good at....waiting.

Lord, teach me to trust You and to wait for You. I truly want to know what it is You have planned for me. Teach me not to get ahead of You but to walk beside You. Teach me to trust You because You know what is best.

Well, I'm finally getting over the trip to Lubbock this past weekend. It was great to get to see old friends, and some of them are really looking old...not me of course. We got to attend worship at Calvary. First time I've been in a service there since we left in 2000. Great auditorium. Dr. Richard Rush is the pastor there now and he did a great job with the service. Didn't realize when we went that it was VBS Encore. Mandy leaned over at 11:40 AM to remind me that Richard still hadn't preached. We thought it was going to be a long service but we were out at 12 Noon.

This Sunday morning, I have the opportunity to preach at our church. I preaching about worship. The sermon title is "Worship: It's Not About Me." Worship has to be one of my favorite topics to preach about. So many of us really don't have a clue what worship is. We try to make it about us-our style of music or instrumentation, our style of preaching-don't want anything that might make us move out of our comfort zones. There's also a lot of us who have lost our passion for worship. We just go through the motions of worship. In Amos 5, God chastised the Israelites for just going through the motions. It's not worship. Worship has to be whole hearted, passionate seeking of God that calls us to respond to Him.

Matthew West has a great song out right now entitled "The Motions." Think about these words this week as you worship God individually and corporately.

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wannt spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"

What about you? Are you tired of going through the motions? I hope you'll wholeheartedly search for God. And when you find Him, you fall at His feet in worship.